I'm Free!

When you ask Lavender how old she is, she holds up three fingers. However, they are not the three fingers you might expect. She also explains that she is "free."  Recently she met a little boy at the park. She explained that she was three years old. He was an older, wiser man of nearly four, so he decided to correct her pronunciation.  

"You mean you're TREE" he explained. And just to make sure she understood, he repeated, "You say it TREE, not FREE."

Another Birthday

Our grandson is here!

He's a little guy, just 5 lbs 6 oz and 18 1/2 in. As you can see, he's getting lots of love already!

Lavender Has A New Cousin!

Cole Jason joined the family this afternoon.  He weighed 9 lbs 13 oz!  My grandma and mom were both born in January, but Cole is the first of my mom's descendants with a January birthday.  He will probably need a bit of surgery so keep him in your prayers.  Congratulations to my brother Jason and sister-in-law Lacy!

Happy Birthday Cole!  

We love you.

2012 Top 10

Do you like to choose a word for the upcoming year?  Some of my friends do this and I think it helps them focus and find direction.  I have never chosen a yearly word, but as 2012 drew to a close, one word kept popping into my mind.  Even as I chose a Christmas card, I knew I had to find one that included JOY!  In September I wrote about being surprised by joy, but I feel like I have more to say.  As a recap of the year, I want to share some of my favorite moments of being surprised by joy.  Many of these events were not surprises, yet I wasn't expecting the abundance of joy they brought into my life.

10. Cleaning out my parents' home -  Exhausting, frustrating and emotionally painful, especially as a pregnant grandma! Of course it was good to help out my dad and it was a blessing to spend so much time with Jenny, but the joy came from some of the treasures I found in the house.  I came across a sweet, comforting letter that my mom had written, but never given to me fifteen years earlier.  I also brought home boxes of photographs and family history and it has truly been a joy to sort and organize many years of family photos.

9. Monday mornings - This has never been my favorite time of the week, but this year it has been the time we receive emails from Elder Aaron.  At times, his emails cause me to worry, but Monday mornings always bring the joy of knowing an email is on the way!

8. New girls in town -  No, not  babies, I am referring to some awesome women:
     Sweet Molly became my daughter when she married Ryan near the end of 2009.  It was a stressful time when they got married, but since then we have had many good times together.  During 2012 she was a comfort and help to me and a few days ago it really struck me.  She is such a blessing and brings such joy to my life!
     Next is my dad's sister Cheryl.  A few years ago my dad made contact with his half-siblings whom he hadn't seen in many years.  I met his brother and sister for the first time at my mom's funeral.  Cheryl has been so sweet, sending lovely gifts when Lavender was born and reaching out through cards and emails.
     My dad's wife Carolyn was not in an easy position as she joined the family just a year after my mom passed away.  But she has been so gracious and loving to everyone.  She won over the kids with her colorful rice krispie treats and has worked so hard to help and befriend the rest of us.  She has a great sense of humor and it is a joy to have her in the family.

7. Time with my family - Lots of it this year!
April -  All three of my brothers flew out for Lavender's blessing at Easter.
June - My brother David visited us with his girlfriend Annie.
July - My brothers Jason and Scott and their families came and we had an impromptu family reunion.
December - David came back with (now fiance) Annie, and we had another family get-together.  Thankfully Jenny's family and my dad and Carolyn joined us too.  My brothers have married such fantastic women.  It is a joy to be together with my family!

6. Time with John's family - John's parents have both passed away, but he is blessed to have two amazing sisters.  We love to visit them! We spent a week in Utah this summer.  We celebrated the 4th of July together and had so much fun with the whole extended family.

5. Marianne's trip to Ecuador - It brought me such joy to see my girl plan and prepare to make her dream of working in an orphanage a reality!

4. Family Trip Back East - Earlier this year, I told John that I wanted to take Marianne and Evan to to Washington DC since they were so young when we went in 2003.  He didn't think it would be possible this year, but then he found out he would be working at a convention in NYC in October.  John really knows how to travel frugally and he managed to stretch airline miles and hotel points to cover our trip so that we were able to visit DC, VA, PA and NY for 16 days.  We worried that it would be difficult traveling with a baby, but it was an exciting, joyful trip for the 5 of us!

3. Grandbabies - You might think that with a baby of my own, I wouldn't be as excited about grandchildren. Wrong!  I can't wait to see those sweet little girls.  I love hearing their joyful little voices when they come in the house or grabbing those cute little hands as they reach out to me.

2. Lavender Jane -  If you've read my blog at all, you know the joy this sweet baby girl has brought to our home.  I was excited for her to be born, but I was also prepared for reality.  Some babies are colicky, others have medical problems or disabilities (especially when born to older mothers).  But instead of worry or pain, Lavender has brought only joy.  For the first three months of her life, I was constantly surrounded by a powerful peace and joy that she brought with her from heaven.  Later, she began to share her sweet enthusiasm with everyone around her and it has been a joyous ride!

1. Twenty Five Years With the Man I Love - John and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary in May. He continues to amaze me with his loving patience.  It brings me such joy to see him play with our beautiful granddaughters and daughter.

Lavender's Birth Story – The Prequel

I shared Lavender's birth story HERE, but now I want to share the story before the story.

It was a warm July day when our second son Aaron received his mission call. That same afternoon, I took a pregnancy test. I was more than two weeks late, something that had never happened except when a baby was on the way. But I was a 44 year old grandma, so a pregnancy seemed unlikely. I had ordered the test online, unwilling to go to the store in case I happened to run into anyone I knew. Neither John nor I were really surprised when the test result was positive. I was worried, but secretly thrilled. I had always felt that there was a child missing from our family, that we were supposed to have another baby. John never felt quite the same way. For years we discussed it and prayed about it, but could never come to an agreement. I had become pregnant once after Evan, and John and I were excited. When it ended in miscarriage, I was sure that we would try for another baby, but we didn't. I had never been “baby hungry,” but that feeling that there was one more had never gone away despite my pleadings with the Lord.

John and I were scheduled to leave on a wonderful trip in a few days. It would be just the two of us for nearly two weeks. We would spend a week in Puerto Rico courtesy of John's employer and then we would spend several days in New York City using John's hotel points. John was worried and wondered if we should still leave on our trip. We decided to go and have a wonderful time. We could think about the pregnancy when we got home. Our attempts at denial didn't work very well. I needed a nap every afternoon in Puerto Rico. Fortunately we had a luxurious bed at the San Juan Ritz Carlton. In New York I started to feel sick and the extreme heat didn't help. One night I sat up in bed when I was awakened by a voice calling “Mom!” At first I thought it was Marianne, but then I realized she was thousands of miles away. I wondered if something was wrong at home and if I should call in the middle of the night. Then it occurred to me that I had heard my daughter calling to me, but it wasn't Marianne.

Despite my morning sickness, we had a wonderful trip. When we returned home I took another test just to be sure. Then I called my doctor. She ordered blood tests and after getting the results she started me on progesterone. Everything seemed to be going fine until my 45^th birthday. That morning I got a call from the doctor's office asking me how everything was going. Was I having any bleeding or cramping? I was confused. The nurse explained that my follow up tests showed that the progesterone wasn't working and I was likely having a miscarriage. What a lousy birthday present.

A week later I had my doctor's appointment. I was a wreck. John came with me, not knowing what the news would be. The ultrasound showed a 10 week old fetus with a strong heartbeat. What a roller coaster of emotions. We really were having a baby!

Later in August we decided to tell our kids the news. We showed them the ultrasound pictures so they would have tangible proof. Evan was confused, Ryan was shocked and Aaron was sure we had photoshopped the pictures. Marianne was the only one who wasn't surprised. She had figured it out weeks earlier. She started naming off symptoms and evidence, finally asking her brothers, “Didn't you notice that Mom was in bed all the time?!” Apparently they just thought I was tired.

I decided it would be easiest to tell my extended family all at once. I sent everyone a text message telling them to check our family blog for a little surprise. On the blog I posted a video clip from Father of the Bride II. Then I included the ultrasound picture with a caption saying “Yes, this is real. No, it is not a joke. I am twelve weeks pregnant. We are having a baby at the beginning of March.”

Guess Who

My girls (and Jenny's daughters) wore this slip my mom made.  Can you tell who is who?

 

Here are my first four babies.  Can you tell who is who?

 

Who do you think looks most like newborn Lavender?

Can I Blog About Anything Other Than My Baby?

Nope!  It's All Lavender, All the time here at Happy Hartz . . .

 

Lavender's Birth Story

Our baby was due on Evan's birthday--his 14^th birthday! Fourteen years is long time between babies and I felt a little out of practice. I decided to use the Hypnobabies program my sister had used with her last baby. To try out the program, I used the “Peaceful Sleep Now” CD to help me fall asleep. After three nights I determined it wasn't working very well. It still took me awhile to fall asleep. Then I realized that I had never heard the end of the CD. It was a 35 minute CD and I had only heard the first 15 minutes! That made a believer out of me and I had Evan put all the Hypnobabies childbirth CDs on my iPhone. I began practicing relaxation and focus techniques for about 30 minutes a day. I really enjoyed my practice sessions. I got to lie down and listen to a calm, soothing voice with my eyes closed; sometimes I even fell asleep! I loved listening to the various tracks because they are so calming and positive. I was preparing for a “peaceful, easy, beautiful birth” and contractions were called “pressure waves” or “surges.” Later in my pregnancy, I had Evan download the “Turn Breech Baby” track from the Hypnobabies website to help our little “flipper” get in position. She turned almost immediately and stayed put until her birth a few days later. (I highly recommend the Breech Baby MP3 from Hypnobabies.  It stands alone and can be used even if you aren't doing the rest of the program.)

About 10 days before our due date, I woke up at 4:00 AM and began making a mental to-do list. I sat up on the edge of the bed and then my water broke with a big gush. I was surprised because I hadn't been having contractions and I definitely hadn't had that unmistakable sign of labor (bloody show/lost mucous plug). I woke up John asking him to get me a towel and he was shocked that the baby was on her way.

Despite our surprise, we managed to leave for the hospital by about 5:30. I would have preferred to stay at home for awhile, but I had tested positive for group B strep and needed to be treated with antibiotics before the birth. On the way to the hospital I listened to my childbirth affirmations and it helped me relax and get in a positive mindset. Thank goodness because the nurse was anything but positive. She questioned my desire to have a heparin lock (instead of an iv) telling me I needed to be prepared for an epidural and cesarean. She also told me that if my baby was breech, I would definitely need a cesarean. I calmly told her that I had already discussed both of these matters with my doctor who had advised the heparin lock and was prepared for a breech birth if necessary. A quick ultrasound confirmed what I already knew—baby girl was head down!

Now it was time to get to work and things were going well. Negative nurse's shift ended. My doctor stopped by before heading over to her office. I was having regular pressure waves and the baby's heartbeat was strong. My new nurse was very supportive of natural, unmedicated birth. She had been a midwife in England and even had one of her babies at home.

I kept one earphone in and listened to Hypnobabies throughout my labor. Once my antibiotics finished, I was able to get up and John and I walked the halls together. John and I love taking walks together –even in the hallway at the hospital. It felt so good to be up and moving. At the end of the hall there was a big window and often I had a contraction as we got there. I put my arm's around John's neck and he held me as I relaxed and breathed.

My labor didn't progress the way I expected. It was gradual and steady rather than picking up speed as we got further along. I had to focus as the the surges got stronger, but I wasn't in pain. Early in my labor, the nurse asked me to rate my pain on a scale of 1-10. I explained that I thought of labor as work and pressure, not in terms of pain. She understood and never asked me that question again. Instead she would ask, “Are they getting stronger? Or are they changing?” They did keep getting stronger, but I really wasn't in pain. The harder the surges, the more I needed John. I would call his name and he came over to the bed and held my hand. It was a beautiful, sunny day, but we couldn't see out the window because the blind wouldn't open. The nurse had tried and couldn't get it to work. John rolled it up by hand and I loved looking at the sunshine on the green hills behind the hospital. It was the perfect day for our baby girl to arrive.

In the afternoon my wonderful doctor arrived. She said that some of her appointments had been canceled and she was going to stay there. I was feeling a little impatient and surprised that things weren't moving faster. I was waiting for that feeling that it was time to push. This time was different though and that feeling never came, at least not it the way it always had before. Instead, my body started pushing and I felt kind of out of control. With my other babies, pushing was always such a relief and it felt good to push. I was excited that the baby would be here soon, but I never got that “finally I get to push!” feeling.

My sister Jenny and my daughter Marianne came into the room. I had tears in my eyes and I didn't want them to think I was crying because of pain. I told them that my mom was there. The nurse turned around and asked where my mom was. I explained that she had passed away. Just before Jenny and Marianne arrived, John sat on the side of the bed and reminded me that our mothers were bringing us our baby girl today. I knew he was right and I could really feel their presence. I felt their love and comfort and support. I knew their spirits were close to us.

Finally it was time to push. I was very vocal during the pushing. This surprised me and I felt a bit self-conscious, especially with Marianne there. Pushing was also very hard and somewhat painful. I think there are a couple of reasons it felt this way. First of all, the baby was still up fairly high so I had a long way to push her. Although I didn't realize it at the time, one of the nurses who was getting everything ready had unplugged my earbuds from my phone. I had been listening to my Birth Guide, but without it I wasn't as relaxed.

It felt like I was pushing forever and the baby was never going to come out, but I really only pushed for 15 minutes. Finally the doctor asked John, “Did your other kids have lots of dark hair?” That surprised both of us. Everyone kept telling me, “She's almost here” or “Just one more push,” but I didn't really believe them. At last the nurse told me, “Open your eyes and look down. She's here.” I didn't realize that my eyes had been closed, but when I opened them I saw her little head and they scooped her up onto my chest. It was the most wonderful feeling. I was blessed to nurse and hold my sweet girl for more than 30 minutes after she was born. I looked at her beautiful little body and I knew she was perfect. In the weeks before her birth, I had prepared myself for the possibility of Down Syndrome. But as I looked at her, I could see she didn't have DS and the spirit confirmed that to me as well.

Our doctor told John and I that she wanted us to look at something. She showed us the umbilical cord and it had a big knot in it. She told us it was a “true knot” and that if it had been pulled any tighter we wouldn't have our little girl with us. We knew she was indeed a miracle!

Almost 3 Weeks

There is so much I want to say and I don't know where to start.  Over the past few weeks I have felt many emotions, but one stands out above the rest.  I am filled with deep gratitude for:

Our sweet baby girl and the peaceful, healing spirit she brings to my heart and our home.  

Lavender with lavender

Her strong and healthy body 

The love of our extended family--not to mention the meals, visits, gifts and phone calls

Beautiful flowers and balloons (thanks J & L for these)

My missionary son who asks me to "please send more pictures of Lavender" even though we didn't name her Zadie as he suggested

Friends who gave me such a lovely baby shower with

beautiful gifts, yummy food, laughter and my favorite flavor of bundt cake

(white chocolate raspberry in case you were wondering)

And who are still patiently awaiting their thank you notes!

Warm weather so we could go out for a walk

A fabulous doctor and nurse who I could trust completely while in labor

Delicious meals brought by friends in our ward

The cards, gifts and wishes from friends near and far

Being able to walk, breathe, eat and sleep without pain.

In other words, not being pregnant any more!

On our way to the hospital at 5:30 AM. My expression says "Hurry up and take the  picture!"

Evan is Born

I didn't realize I was expecting Evan until I was 2-3 months along.  My only symptom was fatigue.  I was blessed to have a very easy pregnancy.  I even continued nursing baby Marianne for the first 5 or 6 months until she got tired of the dwindling supply.

I felt like I needed more work on relaxation before the birth.  I read several different books and combined various techniques and methods.  John worked with me several times a week to help me practice my relaxation.  I would tighten the muscles in one part of my body (for instance, my left arm) while I relaxed the rest of my body.  This was really hard for me and John encouraged me and kept me focused on relaxing.  It took quite a bit of time on his part and I was really grateful for his willingness to help me.

I had several ultrasounds during my pregnancy and my doctor suspected the baby was a boy, but we never got a really good look at him to be sure!

A week or so before his due date, I knew that the baby was on the way. Besides that unmentionable, unmistakeable sign,  I was having lots of contractions and I walked all over the neighborhood to move things along. That walking must have helped because I slept fairly well that night even though I was in labor.  I woke up at 3:45 AM and my water broke.  Around 5:00 I called my doctor to tell him we were heading to the hospital soon.

When we arrived at the hospital one of the first things they asked me was the date of my LMP.  I gave a date over 2 1/2 years earlier in 1995.  The nurse thought I was nuts and said, "Honey it is 1998."  I told her I understood and that I was giving her the correct date.  I explained that this was my 3rd pregnancy since 1995.  She wrote it down, but I'm still not sure she believed me!

When they got me into the room,  I was only at (you guessed it) 4 cm, but when I explained to the nurses how quickly I progress at the end, they said, "Oh we know!  We looked at your file from last time.  You barely got here in time."  They scolded me and said I should have come in sooner this time.  Oh well!

I was grateful to have so much to rely on:  a powerful priesthood blessing, relaxation techniques and positive affirmations to repeat.  I felt confident that my body knew how to do the work necessary to bring this baby into the world.

Once again my awesome doctor arrived right on time for the baby's arrival.  And once again he used massage and support to ensure that I wouldn't need any stiches afterwards.  My mom and Jenny also joined us just in time for the birth.  The whole labor had been pretty peaceful and painless.  But when I started pushing, I was in for a surprise.  It was really hard and it hurt!  Then all of a sudden Doctor Dave told me to stop.  He was so calm and I listened to him, but I noticed that the rest of the medical staff was scurrying around.  Afterwards, my sister told me that the umbilical cord had been tightly wrapped around Evan's neck three times!  The doctor just kept calmly talking to me as he removed all three loops of cord.

The first thing we noticed about Evan was his big hands and feet.  He has spent his whole life growing into them!

Lessons I learned from Evan's birth:

• It is important to have a doctor I really trust.
• I know my own body and can trust it to do the hard work necessary.
• I don't need to be intimidated by the nurses or medical staff. Besides, most of them are awesome.
• My husband just keeps getting better with every year of our marriage.

Marianne's Arrival

I became pregnant with Marianne soon after a miscarriage at 13 weeks.  As a result, I spent much of my pregnancy worrying.  Fortunately, I had plenty to keep my mind off my worries; our life was full of change.  John got a new job in San Diego and came home on the weekends.  Meanwhile we got ready to move.  We sold our home in Lancaster and bought our current home. I was 7 months pregnant when we moved and I found a great new doctor who also happened to be in our ward bishopric. He did the first ultrasound of my pregnancy and declared we were having a girl.  I was excited, but a little doubtful.  I bought a few baby girl outfits, but I decided to wait and see for myself if she was really a girl!

Life was happy and hectic.  I honestly don't remember how much time I spent preparing for the birth.  I know that I reviewed my affirmations to use during labor and I practiced a little relaxation.  By the first of July, I was definitely ready to have my baby. In the summer heat, I had become terribly swollen and couldn't fit in any of my shoes.  Unfortunately, the baby wasn't ready to come until more than a week after her due date.  My sister had come out from Virginia and I worried she would have to fly home without getting to see the baby.  She was very helpful with cooking, cleaning and babysitting while I went to bed early every night.

I was so excited when I finally had that sign of impending labor (which shall remain unnamed) and started contracting.  I spent the whole day in labor and went to my doctor's appointment that afternoon.  I was disappointed that he couldn't find much evidence that the baby was on the way, but he told me it was fine to call him at home later on, assuming this really was labor.  There was no question in my mind!  John and I spent the evening in our room while Jenny took care of the boys.  My labor was harder than with Aaron and I struggled to find comfortable positions.  Around 10:00 PM, I started to feel some pain so I called my doctor at home and let him know that we would definitely be heading to the hospital in a few hours.  A priesthood blessing, relaxing music, positive affirmations and relying on the Lord allowed me to labor fairly peacefully with minimal pain until we left for the hospital.

We got to the hospital around 1:30 AM and I was surprised to learn that I was only at 4 cm.  The nurse put my tape in the stereo system, turned down the lights and said, "Well, we'll have a baby sometime later today."  Then she shut the door and walked out.  I was shocked!  I remember saying,"John, she doesn't realize I'm having this baby now!"

He called her back to the room and was able to convince her to call our doctor.  She was skeptical, but finally agreed.  If she hadn't, we would have just called him ourselves.  He arrived in the nick of time to deliver Marianne.  Like Aaron, she was born after just a few minutes of pushing.  My water broke during one of my final pushes and out she came--less than an hour after we had arrived at the hospital! And yes, I really progressed from 4 to 10 cm in about 45 minutes.

What a beautiful birth!  The music was playing and baby really was a lovely little girl.  One of the nurses even commented on what a great feeling was in the room.  I knew it was the Spirit.  And it wasn't marred a bit by the laughter that ensued once our beautiful girl pooped on me.  The nurses were worried about possible meconium aspiration, but that was quickly ruled out.  Our sweet Marianne was here!!

Lessons I Learned from Marianne's Birth:

• Worrying only makes things worse
• Sisters are wonderful
• My timing is not God's timing
• If I pay attention, I can feel my child's spirit during labor and birth
• Birth can be a very spiritual experience

Aaron's Birth

Shortly after Aaron was born, I wrote about his birth and how I prepared for it.  I mention this so you will know I am not relying on 20 year old memories to tell this story.  Nor have I  have conveniently "forgotten" the pain over the years.

With the exception of a minute or two, Aaron's birth was in fact, pain-free.  Really.  The whole labor and the delivery.  Yes, I felt pressure and I was uncomfortable at times, but I wasn't in pain.  How did this happen?

 Preparation!

Well before Aaron's birth I began working to deal with my fears, to free myself from the need to be in control, to forgive myself and others (remember that rude nurse I told you about last time) and to develop trust in my current doctor, the nurses and my own body.

I am blessed to have parents who believed in the possibility of a pain-free birth and who knew how to help me emotionally heal from the previous birth and prepare for the upcoming one.  Working with my parents helped to calm and prepare me.  I knew I needed to change my mindset and think of contractions as "work" rather than "labor pains."  I prepared a list of things to say to myself during labor and I reviewed them each night. 

 I also prepared by practicing relaxation techniques and labor positions with my husband for several weeks before I had the baby.  My natural inclination was to tighten up when I felt a contraction, so I needed to learn to relax the rest of my body during a contraction.

 Aaron was really a very considerate baby.  He came about 8 days early and he got his dad out of a rather boring business meeting!  I had lots of irregular contractions and other signs of impending labor (remember, I promised nothing graphic).  The next day I knew it was the  baby's birthday!  All day long I had regular (but painless) contractions and I worked to look forward to every contraction and how I was a little closer to having my baby.

During this time I also turned everything over to God.  John gave me a beautiful  priesthood blessing that helped me feel peaceful and confident.

 When we went to the hospital about 5 PM, I was only dialated to 4 cm and they wanted to send me home.  I looked so calm that they couldn't believe I was really in labor.  I convinced them to let me stay and my doctor came and broke my water.  Of course the contractions became stronger, but I was fine as I quietly repeated aloud all the affirmations I had prepared.  From 6:30 to 7:30  I was in transition.  I layed on my left side listening to soothing music that I had listened to during my relaxation practice.  John put his hands on my back to support me.  He reminded me to relax and let the contractions do their work.  He encouraged me and told me that every contraction was one less I needed to have.  I continued repeating the things I had practiced.

 What helped me the most was to remember that the Savior had already suffered the pain of birth.  I told myself that Jesus Christ loved me and did not want we to suffer and that I could turn it over to Him.  I said this aloud too.  I only felt pain at one time when I changed my position and I let some fear creep in.

 At one point the nurse checked me and said I was at 8 cm and hadn't progressed at all since the last time she checked.  I quickly forgave her because I knew I was progressing.  I continued to visualize my body preparing for birth.  Five or ten minutes later I was ready to push.  The nurse was disbelieving and hesitated, but John insisted she get the doctor.  After about 5 minutes of painless pushing, our baby was born.  I was so excited that his birth had been a beautiful, positive experience.

 Although I never had an ultrasound during my pregnancy, I was sure that our baby was a girl.  When the doctor said, "It's a boy!"  I was so surprised that I turned to John and asked, "Is it really a boy?"  Everyone must have thought I was crazy. 

 During the pregnancy, we spent a lot of time discussing names for our baby girl.  One day I thought we should choose a boy's name, just in case.  Suddenly the name Aaron James came into my mind.  It surprised me because I had never particularly liked the name Aaron.  But John immediately agreed and we wrote it down.  So when Aaron was born, I asked John, "Do you still want to call him Aaron James?"  We both felt like it was supposed to be his name.  I have always felt like it was a name I received through revelation.

 Lessons I learned from Aaron's birth:

• Birth doesn't have to be a painful experience
• Labor is work, like running a race, but there is a wonderful prize at the finish line
• Forgiveness, trust and gratitude bring the Spirit
• Preparation brings peace
• Rely on the Lord in all things

The Day Ryan was Born

Ryan's birth was a very traumatic experience for both of us.  It started out easily enough.  My water broke early in the morning, but I wasn't really in labor.  In hindsight, I know that I needed to take a long walk and to keep walking to get things moving.  My labors start off very slow, gentle and gradual, but I didn't know that yet.

Instead of taking a walk, I went to the hospital and stayed in bed.  Soon I was given Pitocin to induce labor.  For the rest of the day I was officially in labor, but it didn't feel like I thought (or read, or heard) labor was supposed to feel.  Rather than contractions that came in waves, I had constant pain that went from bad to worse.  That night, a nurse told me I would have a baby "tomorrow."  That made me so mad and I determined I was having my baby "tonight."  And I did.  After 2 1/2 hours of pushing my baby boy was born just before midnight. 

Despite having a bruised head from the monitor that had been corkscrewed into his scalp and a lung that threatened to collapse, Ryan was beautiful and healthy.  Everyone who saw him commented on what a gorgeous boy he was.

I was also bruised and felt like collapsing, but I was not quite so gorgeous.  I had made it through the grueling 20 hour labor through sheer muscle and willpower.  I did it without any medication, but it certainly wasn't the beautiful, natural experience I had hoped for.

When Ryan was a couple of hours old, a new nurse came into my room.  Her first question was, "So are you going to have more kids?" 

I was shocked and replied, "Well, I've always planned to!" 

Her next comment was even more insensitive.  "Those are the worst stretch marks I've ever seen.  You look like a zebra!"  I had no response to that one. 

I didn't get much sleep that night, but the next morning I opened my eyes to find a priest standing over my bed. I thought maybe I had died.

"Good morning" said the priest. What is your baby's name?"

"John Ryan" I replied.

"That's a good Catholic name" the priest said with a smile. "May I baptize him now?" asked the priest.

"Sure" I mumbled, still trying to figure out why I was having such a strange dream.

He proceeded with the ordinance and by then I was awake enough to ask, "Father, exactly why are you here?"

"Oh, I'm visiting all the Catholic mothers this morning" he explained.

"But I'm not Catholic, I'm Mormon. Ryan will be baptized again when he's 8, but no harm done!"

Lessons I learned from Ryan's birth: 

• Giving birth is about letting go, yielding your body, heart and soul to something higher
• You can't "control" the birth process
• Childbirth education classes are great, but won't prepare you for natural childbirth
• Babies are worth any sacrifice
• If I did THAT, I can do just about anything!

Childbirth

Did I scare you with that title?  Don't worry, this post contains no graphic information or photos :)

When I was 16 1/2 years old, my youngest brother David was born and I was there.  I mean right there.  The nurses in the hospital were not happy about my presence and tried to shoo me out of the room, but my Mom insisted and the nurses reluctantly followed the doctor's orders to let me stay.  I stood right by my Mom's shoulder, so I had a good view, but I didn't have to see anything I didn't want to!

Mom made the whole process look very easy.  She was calm and quiet and David emerged after just a few pushes.  He was her fifth and final baby born (as were the first four) after just a few hours of labor without a epidural or any type of pain medication.

This experience shaped my views of childbirth.  I saw firsthand that labor and birth did not have to be the terrible, painful experience I had seen on TV.  Mainly, it eased my fears about birth and becoming a mother.  Certainly, I was very naive in expecting my first baby to come as easily as my mom's fifth.  However, I am grateful for the confidence it gave me in knowing "I can do this someday!"

Seven years later, I was gave birth to my own baby and I followed my mom's example in having a natural birth.  I did quite a bit of research and preparation in making this decision and ultimately, with my husband's approval, I decided it was the right choice for me and my baby.  For me, giving birth naturally has been a very empowering experience.  It has strengthened me in ways that are difficult for me to verbalize or express in writing. 

I believe that choices in childbirth are very personal and I understand and rejoice in the fact that there are so many safe options available for mothers and babies.  Please understand that I am not criticizing or judging anyone who made a different choice or had a different experience than me.

With the birth of each of my children, I have learned different lessons.  So over the next few days I want to share a bit about the birth of each one.  I guess it is one way I am preparing as I approach my fifth and final birth experience. 

PS I promise the upcoming posts will also be free of anything too graphic!