I Have a Present for You

Yes, I really truly do! It is the season of giving and I want to share!

If you've read my blog for awhile, you know that I'm committed to helping families prevent and heal from addiction, especially pornography addiction.  To further this effort, I have an awesome book to share with you.  Email me at ToHappyHartz (at) gmail (dot) com with your mailing address and I will send you a copy along with a bookmark I made that highlights some of my favorite passages.  Click HERE to read a post I wrote about the book, He Restoreth My Soul, a few years ago.

Bonus #2:  THIS post helps you teach your kids exactly what to do if they accidentally encounter pornography.

Bonus #3: THIS post has a link to a resource book for LDS families that you can download for free!

Merry Christmas!  I hope you enjoy these gifts.  They are some of the most important things you can give your family.

Negative Self-Talk or Something Else?

When I was in college, I read Joseph Conrad’s Heart of Darkness. During our classroom discussion, the professor emphasized that most negative, dark, evil feelings and ideas come from deep within each of us. At first I struggled with this concept, but eventually I decided he was right. Just a few weeks ago I realized that I have believed this lie for almost 30 years.

Darkness and negativity come from one source—Satan, the enemy of all righteousness (Acts 13:10, Alma 34:23).

I recently read Joseph Smith History and I had the impression that Joseph’s experiences followed a pattern, so I made a list. 

God and his messengers:

Call us by name (v 33, 49)

Command, urge action (v 17, 19-20, 42)

Quote scripture (v 36-41)

Warn (v 42, 46)

Use repetition (v 45, 46, 54)

Encourage us to tell the truth, not keep secrets (v 49)

Urge patience (v 42, 54, 54)

Invite us to ask questions and provide answers (v 18-19)

The adversary:

Causes powerful feelings (v 15-16)

Brings darkness (v 15)

Is negative, i.e. despair, doom, destruction (v 15, 16)

Binds us (v 15, 17)

I doubt that any of us will have experiences quite like Joseph’s, but we can all be influenced by God’s Spirit and by the adversary. We need to recognize and acknowledge the true source of negative thoughts and feelings rather than blaming ourselves. Instead, we can “labor diligently, that we may conquer the enemy of all righteousness.” (Moroni 9:6)

Linda Reeves said, “We sometimes . . . have a tendency to be very critical of ourselves. During these times, we need to seek the Spirit and ask, ‘Is this what the Lord wants me to think about myself, or is Satan trying to beat me down?’ Remember the nature of our Heavenly Father, whose love is perfect and infinite. He wants to build us up, not tear us down.”

I have a challenge for you:  This week, pay attention to your thoughts and feelings and try to identify their source.

In Training

I graduated from my Mothers Who Know class almost two weeks ago, but I was hungry for more.  So I decided to get serious and start Boot Camp.  I spent Saturday at "Prevention Boot Camp" and I will continue my training over the next two months. What am I training for?

I am training to become an Eternal Warriors Addiction Prevention Mentor.  That's a mouthful, isn't it?! It may be a big title, but it is an important job.  There are many programs available to help those struggling with addiction, but wouldn't it be wonderful if we could prevent the addictions in the first place?

We all hope our children will be strong enough to avoid such problems, but what can we do? Can you imagine a generation of youth who have have the discernment, endurance and skills needed to avoid becoming entangled in pornography or other addictions?  I know it is possible, IF our children and teenagers have the training and practice they need to defeat the fiery darts of the adversary.

That's why I'm in training.  I need to be in tip top shape to help families arm themselves and learn to win the war against addiction!

Click HERE to learn more.  Email me at tohappyhartz (at) gmail (dot) com if you would like to learn how to get a copy of a book that explains more about the addiction fighting principles of the Sons of Helaman Program.

A New Post, but first an FYI

FYI:  If you are reading this, I want you to know I did not write my last post about you.  You are definitely NOT driving me crazy!  Hope everyone is breathing easier now!  So why did I write it? A friend recently mentioned her struggles with a teenage son and I remembered what I learned several years ago when I first read this article.  After re-reading it, I thought it was worth sharing with you. And I don't mean any of you specifically, just any and all of you!

======================

Now on to our regularly sporadically scheduled post.

Let's talk about filters for a minute.  No, I don't mean the apps you use to make your Instagram photos look cool.  I mean the filters that keep the nasty stuff from showing up on your computer.  We all want to protect our families from pornography and filters are one way to do that.

Now I know you may have a list of reasons why you don't have filters on your computer/phone/ipad/itouch.

• My kids are too young to worry about that
• No one uses my [insert digital device of your choice] but me
• The filter might block sites I want to use
• I don't want to spend the money on that
• I'm not tech savvy enough to figure that out
• I'll do it later 
• I have really good kids and I trust them
• It can't block everything, so why bother?
• Our filter doesn't work right, so I disabled/removed it
• It makes my internet run really slow.

I get it, I really do.  Filters are a pain.

But do you really want to find out that your child, grandchild, spouse, babysitter, nephew etc is addicted to porn and you didn't do everything you could to prevent it?  Are you willing to take the risk that a family member might accidentally see pornography on your laptop/phone/ipad/itouch?  Do you want someone using your wifi to view porn or show it to an innocent child?

No, filters don't offer complete protection, but without them, we are leaving our doors wide open and inviting the adversary to come on in. So what can you do?

1. Install a router based filter so that any person/device using your wifi is protected.  This is even available FREE through services like OpenDNS which actually makes your internet faster. Another option is buying a router like Pandora's Hope.
2. Install filtering software on each and every one of your mobile devices.  Why?  Because they're mobile.  You will be using them on other networks besides your own wifi.  
3. Check your filters regularly to be sure they're working. Set a date on your calender once a week/month to remind you.  It only takes a second to test an objectionable website.  I have been shocked to learn that my filters weren't working on several occasions.  I have had a great filter from my cell phone provider, but recently I found that it didn't work with the latest software update!

So please, learn how to prevent addiction, teach your family to do what's right, help them understand the dangers and what to do if they see pornography.  Talk about it often, but don't forget the filters! 

Source

Who? The Answer is You!

I hope you can take a minute to check out this website.  They even have a free book you can download HERE. It has a wealth of information including discussion points and lessons for children of all ages.  You can make a difference--starting in your own home!

Example is Contagious!

Today, on Labor Day, it seems appropriate to talk about one of the most labor-intensive, time-consuming, jobs ever.  Did you guess I'm referring to parenting?  It isn't easy, but it is very rewarding, especially by the time the grandchildren come around!

I am blessed to have wonderful parents who modeled good parenting for me.  They weren't perfect, but they set a good example.  Yet, there are new challenges today that they didn't really have to deal with.  There is no doubt that children today will be exposed to pornography.  It isn't a matter of "if," rather "when" they will encounter it.  What's a parent to do?  Worry?  Pray it never happens?  Hide the computer/ipad/phone?

Author Jill Manning has a better approach.  She recommends the following 6 steps whenever you accidentally encounter pornography:

1.  Name it.
2.  Cover your eyes/ears as quickly as possible.
3.  Identify the lie and opposing truth about sexuality.
4.  Tell a parent about your experience as soon as possible.
5.  Turn to something positive, uplifting and wholesome to refocus your mind, body and spirit.
6.  Learn from your experience and identify ways it might be avoided in the future.

She advises teaching our children these 6 steps and then showing them how it works.  Imagine a scene at the dinner table.  Dad says,

"Today on my flight home, I glanced over at the guy sitting next to me and I realized he was looking at something inappropriate on his ipad.  I immediately realized it was pornography and I looked away. I got up and was able to find another seat a few rows back.  I knew that he was looking at the women on the screen as objects, not as daughters of God.  I decided to listen to some beautiful music and I thought about each of you and how wonderful it would be to see you all tonight.  If something like that happens again, I think I will ask the guy to stop watching it on the plane where other people can't help but see it."

We may not want to have these types of conversations with our children, but talking about it takes away secrecy that often plays a role in pornography addictions. In today's media-filled world, it is inevitable that our children will see pornography and they need to learn healthy ways to deal with it.

Jill Manning gives more support and suggestions for parents in her book, What's the Big Deal about Pornography? I have an extra copy or two to give away.  If you would like one, please leave me a comment.

A little knowledge that acts is worth infinitely more than much knowledge that is idle.

-Kahlil Gibran 

The Flight From Beauty

It is no secret that I love children's literature.  Long after my children were past picture book age, I kept shelves full of outstanding books.  I even have a few books saved from my own childhood.  Now I get to read them to my granddaughters and Lavender!

I also really enjoy young adult literature and when my children were little, I had a shelf full of books that I hoped they would enjoy reading some day.  Unfortunately, over the past fifteen years I have noticed a disturbing trend in YA literature.  It has become darker and more violent in the name of "reality."  Even books for young children have been impacted.  I have read a couple of articles about this trend, but I finally read a compelling article on this subject that I have to share with you.  Read "The Case For Good Taste in Children's Books" by Meghan Cox Gurdon HERE. She is a wise woman and she's got the experience and credentials to prove it.  More importantly, she is the mother of five children!  She also includes incredible quotes such as this:

For beauty makes a claim on us; it is a call to renounce our narcissism and look with reverence on the world. 

28 Perfect Days!

What would you give for a perfect day?  Most days, even good ones, have their ups and downs.  In fact, the imperfections in life are often the source of laughter and family memories.  I know I will never forget the time I almost ruined Passover or the sleepless Christmas night!  Still, I long for days when I feel successful.

I always want to improve and often I set goals, but it can be hard to follow through.  Fortunately, I found something that really helped me.  For the past month I have been part of a class called "Mothers Who Know."  We set goals, keep track of our progress and have weekly conference calls where we learn to combat negativity and draw closer to the Savior.  Everyone in the class has three goals in common:
1. Pray 5+ minutes morning and night
2. Write a page in your journal daily
3. Study the scriptures (or words of the prophets) daily

Each of us also chose three personal goals.  This month mine were:
1.  Make my bed every morning.
2.  Log my food and exercise daily and stay within my Weight Watchers point total.
3.  Sweep the kitchen floor every night.

Do these sound like simple goals?  Well, they are!  They were simple enough that was able to do them perfectly for 28 days in a row.  It was empowering to keep my personal commitments and it motivated me to do more.  Once the bed was made, I picked up the rest of the room.  When I swept the kitchen, I continued sweeping the dining room.

Best of all, the principles we learn in class help us defeat the adversary and overcome bad habits.  In fact, the class was originally developed to help people struggling with addiction.  I can use what I am learning to help my children become self-disciplined.  This is something I can do to help my sons and daughters prevent addictions before they begin!

Our mentor, Celestia, starts new classes every month or so to help women become "Lionesses At the Gate" and "Mothers Who Know."  HERE is a link to her blog with more information about an upcoming class. Why don't you take a look?  It is exciting to have perfect days!

Better Than An Elephant!

We have a winner! Congratulations to the winner of the "Let's Talk About the Elephant in the Room" CD . . .

DaNell!

I have known DaNell for more than 10 years and she is a wonderful friend. She is the mother of eight children and she is a gifted teacher and mentor. She has poetry in her soul. She is a great listener and I love to have long conversations (the kind mothers rarely have time for) with her. Despite her busy schedule, I know that DaNell will make time to listen to this CD and will be able to discern what she needs to implement with her family.

I really think that EVERY LDS woman (and her family) would benefit from this CD. Please consider buying or borrowing this CD. On my current "to borrow" list I have:

Molly
Rachel
Bryn
Leticia

Please let me know if you would like to borrow a copy.

Will you forgive me?

Early this year I listened to a fabulous CD. In fact, it was so good that I listened to it twice. The second time I even took notes and then I watched the bonus DVD included in the package.

I know I should have shared it with you then, but I got busy.

I did tell a couple of friends about it. One friend even ordered a copy. I decided to get an extra copy to share with you. I meant to tell you about it, but you know how it goes. I had so much going on. First it was my husband's birthday. Then March was just crazy busy and then there was spring break and . . .

Enough with the excuses!

I'm going to interrupt myself to tell you about one of the most powerful CDs I've ever heard. Author Jill Manning speaks specifically to LDS women. She explains how she became fascinated with elephant society. Elephants have very strong, matriarchal families. The female elephants work together to protect and raise their young. In times of danger or crisis, they encircle the young elephants as a means of protection.

But this isn't just an interesting zoology lesson. Instead, Manning uses this as a metaphor to empower LDS women to step forward and protect their families from pornography. She doesn't use guilt or scare tactics. She covers everything from teaching toddlers to choosing a spouse. Most importantly, she helps you feel that there IS something YOU can do. You shouldn't ignore this issue, but you shouldn't be stressed about it either. This CD will help you get started in whatever way is right for you and your family. And since it is only 60 minutes long, you can find time to fit it into your busy schedule!

As a peace offering, and to help you forgive me for not sharing sooner, I have decided to give away one copy of "Let's Talk About the Elephant in the Room".


So please leave me a comment. I will select a winner by random drawing this Saturday. In case you don't win, I also have another copy available to loan. Just let me know. You don't have to do an elephant impression or tell me your best elephant joke. Just leave a comment.

Just one woman (you!) can make a difference in this elephant-size problem facing our families and our society.

A Very Important Quiz!

1. Do you believe in the atonement of the Savior, Jesus Christ?

2. Do you have a brother or a son?

3. Are you a wife or mother?

4. Do you work with children or youth at church or in another setting?

5. Do you enjoy reading (1 point for each):

• stories
• scriptures
• poetry
• science
• research statistics
• quotes from Lord of the Rings
• quotes from General Authorities
• personal experiences

6. Do you want to be prepared for the future?

7. Do you want to be a force for good in the world?

8. Are you a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints?



To find your score, give yourself 1 point for each "yes" answer.

If you scored:

1-3 points, you'll want to read He Restoreth My Soul

4-6 points, you really, really need to read He Restoreth My Soul

7-15 points, you absolutely, positively can't wait to read He Resoreth My Soul!

16+ points, you might need to work on your addition, but you definitely must read He Restoreth My Soul!


This is such an awesome book that I bought a whole case and have them in my dining room! Actually, I just have half a case now. I've given away half of the case to family and friends.

Now, I'd like to give YOU a copy. Why? This book opened my eyes and helped me understand things in a new way. Even more importantly, it gave me HOPE!

If you would like a copy, just leave a comment or email me. I will mail or deliver a copy of He Restoreth My Soul. I will also include a bookmark I'm making that directs you to some of the "highlights" of the book, just in case you're not ready to jump in and read the whole thing right now. I read over 100 books in 2009 and (next to The Book of Mormon) He Restoreth My Soul was the best book I read last year!

PS Please feel free to let your friends know about my giveaway or link to this post!