Good News/Bad News

Last Friday was a busy day.  Here are just a few of the ups and downs.

Good News:  We got a big bag of hand-me-downs from Molly. Lavender was thrilled to wear her nieces' clothing and was especially excited about these kitty-cat shoes.

Bad News: The kitty shoes are just a tad too small.  Lavender learns the hard lesson that the cutest shoes are usually the most uncomfortable.

Good News:  She also inherited a pair of sparkly, gold sandals that were perfect with her red fur coat.  Obviously the right outfit for a morning walk in July!

Good News:  Evan was prepping for a trip to Palmyra, NY where he would attend EFY (a church youth conference) with his cousin Alec. 

More Good News: He got to go for a bike ride in the hills with his friend Jacob.

Bad News:  During the downhill portion of the bike ride, Evan crashed and flew over the handlebars.

Good News:  We were able to get a doctor's appointment within 45 minutes.

Bad News:  The doctor suspects that one (or two!!) of his arms is broken.  I tell her that his flight leaves Sunday morning. She informs us that in order to get a cast (or two) in time, we will need to head to Children's Hospital and camp out in the ER.

Good News:  The x-rays show that Evan's arms are not broken!

Bad News: Evan landed on his hands with his arms outstretched so the bones are compacted (not a medical term) and his elbows are very swollen and will take a week to 10 days to heal.

Good News: With Evan safely resting at home (playing on the computer while icing his arms and taking Advil) and no need for a trip to the ER, John and I head to the beach for a walk, a game of frisbee and a beautiful sunset.

Hope your weekend had more ups than downs!

Almost 3 Weeks

There is so much I want to say and I don't know where to start.  Over the past few weeks I have felt many emotions, but one stands out above the rest.  I am filled with deep gratitude for:

Our sweet baby girl and the peaceful, healing spirit she brings to my heart and our home.  

Lavender with lavender

Her strong and healthy body 

The love of our extended family--not to mention the meals, visits, gifts and phone calls

Beautiful flowers and balloons (thanks J & L for these)

My missionary son who asks me to "please send more pictures of Lavender" even though we didn't name her Zadie as he suggested

Friends who gave me such a lovely baby shower with

beautiful gifts, yummy food, laughter and my favorite flavor of bundt cake

(white chocolate raspberry in case you were wondering)

And who are still patiently awaiting their thank you notes!

Warm weather so we could go out for a walk

A fabulous doctor and nurse who I could trust completely while in labor

Delicious meals brought by friends in our ward

The cards, gifts and wishes from friends near and far

Being able to walk, breathe, eat and sleep without pain.

In other words, not being pregnant any more!

On our way to the hospital at 5:30 AM. My expression says "Hurry up and take the  picture!"

Another Surprise

Leighton Anne made her arrival tonight!

She is 6 lbs 9 oz

19 inches long

and

very beautiful!

Do You Want the Truth?

I have been thinking about my Mom today.  I think about her every day, but today she has been in my thoughts more than usual.  It is nearly a year since she died.  Last year at this time my sister and I were taking turns at her bedside in the hospital.

One year ago, I already knew my mom would not recover. A week previously, I had spent a sleepless night on the cloud bed* listening to her breathe, ready to help her at any moment.  I prayed over and over for her to recover.  Then a horrible thought entered my mind.  "What if she doesn't make it?"  No one at the hospital had even hinted at such a possibility. So I asked God the question, waiting for comfort and reassurance.  "Heavenly Father, Mom isn't going to die is she?"  The answer came quickly, but it was not the one I wanted.  I couldn't even begin to imagine life without my mom.  I sobbed and sobbed, only stopping because Mom needed help and sadly, protection from the hospital staff.

In the morning I tried to deny the answer I had received, hoping it was just a terrible dream. I wasn't sure why God had told me the awful truth.  Probably because I asked.  But no one else seemed to be able to see it.  And I didn't feel it was my place to tell them. One of Mom's doctors didn't believe she was dying until the day before she went home for hospice.

I know that God only speaks the truth.  He gave it to me gently and only when I asked, but it was still almost too much for me to bear.  Yet, I am grateful to know that Heavenly Father is a God of truth.  He will never deceive or manipulate me.  I can trust Him to always do what is right and what is best for me, even if I don't understand it.

"And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." John 8:32 

*Cloud bed is the sarcastic name I gave to the fold-out chair that Jenny & I took turns sleeping on.  It was like laying on springs and metal bars.  To try and ease the discomfort, I asked for extra pillows.  I put them over the so-called mattress and then fitted the sheet on top of them.  As long as I didn't move or roll over (ha!) it was almost bearable.  Looking back, I should have brought an eggshell pad from home, but at the time it never occurred to me.  I guess the physical pain just seemed appropriate at a time of such emotional anguish.

Home

On Wednesday we brought my mom home for hospice. To clarify, we didn't actually bring her home; she rode in a medical transport van. I came along for the ride and I was glad I did because the van was driven by a 20 year old. :) It was funny because at first the radio was on a rap station. I didn't mind since the volume was down fairly low. After about 10 minutes the guys up front started whispering and then changed the radio to an oldies station. I'm not sure if it was for me or for my mom, but I did like it better than the rap music.

To clarify further, hospice doesn't mean that someone (other than us) is there to care for my mom. It just means that a nurse comes by once or twice a week. They did prescribe several medications that have definitely made my mom more comfortable. They also gave us a thick binder that they said was full of important information. I looked through the entire thing and except for the phone number on the front, I couldn't find anything useful. I did get a kick out of the "home health" page that had helpful suggestions such as "each person should have their own toothbrush." Even more ridiculous was the page on "how to recognize when the patient has passed away." Seriously?! I hope no one needs instructions to figure that one out.

All that aside, we have all been grateful that Mom is home. It has been more peaceful for her and much less stressful on the rest of us. The hospital is a difficult place to sleep, rest or find any peace.

We were able to watch General Conference together as a family and spend time with Mom. We know that our time together is very short and are grateful for these moments.

This photo was taken in May, and I never would have imagined I had just a few short months left with my Mom.

Are you making the most of moments with your family? We never know how much time we have together, do we?

Love Songs

Last Wednesday we were told that my Mom has a brain tumor from which she will not recover.

On Thursday we gathered most of the family in my mom's hospital room. Mom had been asleep for nearly 72 hours and we all took turns kissing her and telling her we loved her. There were many tears shed. Then we quieted down so that Mom could receive a priesthood blessing. It was a lovely blessing that made us cry even more.

About 20 minutes later, a miracle occurred. Mom woke up and began talking to us! We spent several hours laughing, talking and singing together. We sang songs that my mom learned from her grandpa and other songs from our childhood. It was a beautiful time for our family and will always be a wonderful memory.

During her illness, my mom has continually expressed her love for our family. When we mention a particular family member, Mom repeats over and over how much she loves them. It has been especially sweet to hear her talk about my dad, whom she has taken to calling "Bobby", a nickname she hasn't used in over 50 years. She even began singing a little song to him. I asked her if it was a song from their dating years. She said, "Yes, but it was about a different boy and I can't say his name because I don't love him. I love Bobby!"

I did a little googling and came up with the original version of the song. It was actually written in answer to a song called "Tell Laura I Love Her" . The songs came out in 1960 when my mom was 18. So here's the link to "Tell Tommy I Miss Him"

Just be sure to substitute "Bobby" if you sing along.

Silver Linings

My mom is still in the hospital fighting for her life. We are so very grateful for the good wishes, prayers and fasting of many friends and family. Because of their great faith we have been blessed with miracles.

On Thursday night and Friday Mom was very weak and declining rapidly. She didn't even recognize me. On Friday evening after a difficult day of tests and procedures, Mom finally slept for a few hours. When she woke up she was very coherent and had a detailed conversation with my Dad and me. She even talked to her sister on the phone. We knew that we were witnessing a miracle on the evening of our special fast for Mom. Thank you for your part in a miracle!

More miracles:

*My sister and I have been granted great strength and endurance in caring for my mom.

*An anesthesiologist arrived 3 minutes after she was paged and performed a complicated procedure that the doctors had attempted unsuccessfully (this is a HUGE miracle at Kaiser where everything takes a really long time!)

*An estranged family member called to express concern about my mom and wants to re-establish a relationship.

* Hearts have been softened and much love shared.

The doctors still haven't determined the cause of the meningitis/encephalitis and Mom is still suffering greatly. We pray that God will continue to bless her and grant her the miracles she needs.

This is a sad and painful time, but I am grateful for the many miracles that are happening around me. Here is a powerful article about surviving the most difficult times in our lives. It is called "Silver Linings." It is an easy read that I think everyone can relate to.

Thank you for your continued prayers for my wonderful mother!

Deja Vu

My mom is in the hospital with meningitis. It is hard to believe that just last year I was in the hospital caring for Evan when he had meningitis. Unfortunately, the level of care for my mom is much lower than the care that Evan received. My sister and I are taking turns staying at the hospital so that my mom is never alone.

She was admitted Wednesday night and seemed to be improving on Thursday and Friday. Yesterday they gave her a sedative before an MRI and unfortunately she had a very bad reaction to the medication. We are waiting for her to get it out of her system and get back on track.

Please keep her in your prayers. Recovering from meningitis is a long, rocky road.

Evan said some very funny things during his illness and my mom is no different. Yesterday, Jenny asked her if she was hungry. She answered "Yes" and then in a very sad voice she said, "But I don't know how to get un-hungry!"

You can read about Evan's hospitalization HERE
You can learn more about meningitis HERE

I am very grateful that I experienced Evan's illness because it prepared me to help my Mom. They wanted to send her home from the emergency room, but I listed her symptoms and suggested a spinal tap to diagnose meningitis. Somehow that got the doctor's attention and he finally listened to us. More about gratitude and meningitis HERE.

Again, I would really appreciate your prayers for my parents at this time.

Gory Details

Okay, they're not really that gory, but for those who are interested, here you go . . .

The cause of Evan's illness was a tiny little bacteria called mycoplasma. It is so small that doctors and scientist used to think it was a virus. Unlike other bacteria, mycoplasma doesn't have a cell wall.
So these little buggers caused the pneumonia that got him down. That's nothing unusual. Mycoplasma pneumoniae is fairly common in causing walking pneumonia.

Evan was diagnosed with pneumonia, given IV antibiotics and a follow up course of oral antibiotics. Normally this would take care of things. That's where things went wrong. For some reason--maybe it was the bacteria, or maybe it was his body's reaction to the bacteria--he developed meningitis.

Meningitis is the swelling of the lining of the brain and spinal cord. Even though a bacteria was at the root of the meningitis, Evan did not have what is typically known as "bacterial meningitis." The meningitis was not contagious, although mycoplasma is. Usually it doesn't cause pneumonia, just a cough, ear infection or headache. In fact, many healthy people have mycoplasma in their system.

So Evan had mycoplasma pneumonia, that somehow led to meningitis. Some of the doctors who examined Evan actually seemed excited about this diagnosis. It was unusual enough to be really interesting to them. It was a little scary to see the spark in their eyes, and I wanted to say, "Hold on! I know this is fascinating to you, but don't forget this is my boy, not just a medical case." Fortunately, most of the doctors really cared about Evan the patient, not just his unusual case.

Today we followed up with a visit to the pediatrician. Evan's weight is down between 5 and 8 pounds, but otherwise he's doing well. His double vision is gone and he's slowly regaining his health. His doctor suggested he might want to find something less dramatic to do next time he wants to stir things up, even though they have really cute nurses at the hospital. He wasn't kidding about the nurses, just ask Ryan!

I Finally Have a REALLY Good Excuse for Not Blogging!

We've had quite a week!

FRIDAY

Evan wasn't feeling well, but nothing serious--just a cough and a fever. Then just after office hours, he began complaining of back and neck pain and difficulty breathing. We decided to take him to urgent care using the tag-team-swine-flu-avoidance method. (It works this way: Dad heads to urgent care at our local hospital and fills out paperwork. He tells the nurse, "My wife will bring my son up once an exam room is ready." Meanwhile Evan and Mom are safely at home avoiding all germs and a two hour wait! When it is finally Evan's turn, we jump in the car with Ryan-possibly the world's fastest driver-who delivered us in under 5 minutes.)

Evan was diagnosed with an ear infection and pneumonia. He was given IV antibiotics and sent home with a prescription for a few more days.

SATURDAY
John was up most of the night up with Evan and it was my turn to take over. While John was sleeping, I attempted to get Evan to eat some breakfast. Then the fun began. He started telling me about the game they played at seminary that morning. What?! A few minutes later he asked me "What does "hootenalia" mean? You know, yesterday I hoottenailiaed?" Huh? Now he was conjugating nonsense words!?

After the third incident I finally realized that Evan was delirious. He also told me that he could see two of me! More delirium or double vision? Either way this was not a good sign. After consulting with our good friend who is a doctor, we decided to take Evan to the emergency room at Children's Hospital. John had to carry him piggyback into the waiting room where we joined the hordes of people with masks on their faces.

After the long wait, Evan was in for:

• x-rays
• blood tests
• urine samples
• vision tests
  
• flu tests (very nasty--they scrape the farthest recesses of the nasal passage with a wooden stick! And of course he didn't have any type of flu at all.)
• CAT scan
• hours of monitoring his vital signs
• and finally (drumroll please) a spinal tap!!

He was finally diagnosed with meningitis in addition to the pneumonia and was admitted to the hospital. I got comfy in the handy "armchair sleeper" and we were set for the night.

Here's the view from my "bed"

SUNDAY
Evan was really out of it and was very uncomfortable with the IV. It was a very long night because he usually sleeps with his arms bent, and that kept blocking the IV tubing. At one point the nurse and I were both standing over his bed trying to comfort him. He got very wide-eyed and looked back and forth and both of us. The nurse asked, "What's wrong honey? What can we do for you?" Evan got a little feisty and hollered, "You two can stop staring at me!" I was just happy to see him come to life a bit!


MONDAY
Visits from more doctors:

• residents
• attending physician
• neurology team
• infectious disease team

That night he also got an MRI which meant a wheelchair ride in the tunnels to the hospital next door. The loud noise of the MRI was incredible!

Fortunately, Evan's still has his sense of humor.
He looked at the monitor attached to his finger and said, "Hey, I'm ET!"

TUESDAY
Evan's spinal fluid is sent out for multiple tests, some as far away as the MAYO clinic in Minnesota. While he sleeps, I get visits from hospital volunteers, the hospital teacher and the chaplain.

Because of the swine-flu outbreak, no visitors (except parents) were allowed in the hospital. However, we got special permission for Ryan to come give Evan a priesthood blessing (along with John of course).

The volunteers gave Evan a teddy bear on the first day and he was very attached to it. He finally decides to give his bear a name. He chooses "Randy" as a variation on the name of the hospital--the Rady Children's Hospital.

WEDNESDAY
Evan is feeling a bit better. He spends a few minutes in the courtyard just outside his room. He enjoys watching the construction on the new hospital building. He also watches a few minutes of TV despite his double vision, but isn't up to doing the mazes and worksheets the teacher brought to him.

The neurologist has recommended an eye patch to help his vision, but they don't seem to have any in the hospital. The doctor suggests we pick up a pirate patch at a costume store. Aunt Jenny has a better idea. She and Evan's sewing teacher team up to make some custom eye patches.

Here is the pathetic make-shift eye patch the nurse made.
Now Evan looks like a trauma patient!

Ah! Much better!
Evan's eyepatch is made of cool planet fabric.
Randy's patch has a dinosaur.

THURSDAY
Evan spends more time out in the courtyard. He definitely has his appetite back and enjoys his meals. The hospital actually has room service! He gets to choose from a great menu and I can call in his order whenever he gets hungry.

We are anxious to go home, but have to wait for ALL of the many doctors to give their okay. In the afternoon the attending physician finally says we can leave!

Here's Evan enjoying his last meal before heading home.
The blue gatorade was a favorite that he ordered frequently!

At home, Evan was greeted by these signs from his cousins.

Marianne and his friend Matthew put more signs on the front door.
And his bed was covered in balloons.

Even Roxy was excited to have Evan home and I couldn't get her to hold still for a picture.

FRIDAY
Evan slept for 12 hours straight last night. He woke up very happy! He keeps saying, "It's so good to be home!" His double vision is improving and he is slowly regaining his strength. Best of all, he got to take a long shower. He is enjoying the great food our fridge from our good friends in the ward. Life is good and we are so grateful for all of our blessings.

It will take Evan a week or more to recover fully so we would appreciate your continued prayers!