Surprised by Joy

CS Lewis wrote, "Joy is the serious business of Heaven."  Perhaps this is why babies, so fresh from heaven, seem to find so much joy in life.  Lavender is quick to smile and she delights in new sights, textures and sounds.  She is thrilled by the familiar as well.  Her whole body quivers and exudes joy when someone she loves approaches.  I feel her joy each day and it heightens my awareness of the joyful moments in life.

Here are a few things that have brought me joy:
receiving an email from my missionary son
the smell of rain in the air
my granddaughter's sweet voice shouting "Hi!" as she runs towards me
feeling the Spirit when I read the Book of Mormon
conversations with my children
holding my husband's hand
talking to a friend
anticipating a trip with my family
listening to my dad tell stories of his childhood
looking at photos of my mother

At times, I have had similar experiences without feeling joy.  Why?  Perhaps it was my attitude or state of mind.  CS Lewis explained the elusive nature of joy:

"Only when your whole attention and desire are fixed on something else--whether a distant mountain, or the past, or the gods of Asgards--does the 'thrill' arise.  It is a byproduct.  Its very existence presupposes that you desire not it but something other and outer."

Joy is a gift from God.  When my heart is ready, I am often, as Lewis described, surprised by joy.

". . . men are, that they might have joy."  2 Nephi 2:25

Aunt Lavender

Here I am (sans makeup) with my sweet baby girl.  I am her mother.  Plain and simple.  I may be a little older than the typical mother of a six month old, but I don't think about it very often.

On Saturday we were excited to celebrate our granddaughter Leighton's first birthday.  We were hurrying to get ready for the party.  I wrapped her gift and got out her card. Then Lavender reminded me that she was hungry.  I sat down to nurse for a few minutes.  When we finished, I picked up the birthday card and started to write, "L-o-v-e" then I paused realizing that I needed to write "Grandma."  I love being a grandma to my two sweet girls, but it was a strange thing to finish nursing my baby and then sign my name as Grandma.  It made me stop and smile!

This evening John and I took a walk with Lavender and Marianne.  As John pushed the stroller down the street,  a neighbor got out of his car and was heading towards his house.  He stopped and asked if he could see the baby.  He admired her and then looked at the three of us.  He looked a little confused and his eyes settled on Marianne.  Finally he asked, "Is this your daughter?"  I quickly pointed to Marianne and explained, "She is our oldest daughter."  Then I gestured to Lavender saying, "and this is our youngest daughter."  The man was amazed at the age difference and congratulated me.  As we continued our walk and turned the corner, Marianne started laughing.  She said, "I wanted to tell him that you also have two granddaughters.  That would have really confused him!"  We all laughed and agreed it was probably best to keep our story simple!

And it is simple.  We are one big happy family!  Lavender has five older siblings (including Molly of course) who love and care for her and two little nieces to play with.  I am excited to see them grow up together!

At Six Months

14.4 lbs. 25 ins.

I know clichés sound insincere

But the words fit perfectly.

She is my sunshine

The apple of my eye

My pride and joy.

I miss my precious newborn

But I adore my darling girl

Who sits up to play,

Eats carrots and applesauce,

And takes her pacifier out and in again.

Her voice adds music to my day.

She giggles and chuckles

When we sing or play patty cake.

Screams, squeals, coos and complaints

Sounds I want to remember forever.

Her square, little feet and

Strong, chunky legs

Are in constant motion

Thumping and kicking shake her bed

A signal that naptime is over.

Her keen eyes watch

The dog and her brother

Waiting for a chance

To get her hands on

The fur or the cereal.

With a mixture of

Love and hunger

She grabs my face

For fierce, slobbery kisses

That end in sucking on my chin.

Wide-mouthed smiles given freely

To strangers, friends and family.

A shout of recognition

When Daddy, Marianne or Evan

Enter the room.

But her eyes light up

Desperation mingled with delight

When she sees my face.

A special look reserved

Just for me--

Her Mama.