Marianne and Aaron

This was written by my 20 year old daughter Marianne as part of a mental health campaign at Brigham Young University.

You hear the word mental illness and you cringe. You hear the word suicide and your heart beats uncomfortably. It's not a fun subject to talk about. It's easier to stay silent, but NOW is the time to talk and we so desperately need to talk. Why? 

On March 6, 2017 my brother Aaron Hartzell, a current BYU student, died from bipolar disorder by suicide. I think it is important to realize that even the brightest, most intelligent minds within our school are struggling with mental illness. Aaron didn't "take his life." His life was taken by the disease bipolar disorder. That illness is the reason he died. He wasn't trying to escape and he didn't "make a poor choice." He suffered from a terrible illness that ultimately took his life. Aaron tried his hardest, for 5 years. He didn't give up easily. He did everything he could to recover. Sometimes the brain (like any other organ) responds well to treatment and sometimes it doesn’t.

We need to start talking, for ourselves, for our peers, for our future generation and for our own children. I believe the time is now to brush aside the stigma and stereotypes about bipolar and all mental illnesses, no matter how small or how severe.  We need to educate ourselves the best we can, for ourselves and for those around us. We need to cultivate an environment at BYU where metal illness is not viewed as sinful or abnormal, but is seen like any other illness--like diabetes, cancer or chronic pain. 

One stereotype our world needs to overcome is that all mental illness and all suicidal tendencies are the same. They are not. One misconception I saw over and over again when talking to people about Aaron is that they thought that Aaron didn't know his worth, didn't have hope or thought he wasn’t loved. All three of those things were false in Aaron's case. Aaron was a righteous young man. Aaron did have hope; he did everything he could and hoped that his illness would get better. Aaron knew he was loved. He didn't wake up one day feeling lonely and decide to kill himself. Aaron's life ended because the pain he was experiencing was so great and unimaginable and a part of his brain was so ill that this option was the only way he believed he could find peace. We cannot judge those who are suicidal, or have other mental illness and we cannot pretend to understand their sufferings, because unless we have suffered it ourselves, we will not understand. However, we can love them. We can be their friend. We can pray for them. We can make sure they are getting the medical help they need and we can be a listening ear. We can help those suffering, but not through making assumptions about their illness. 

We don't need to wait until someone dies from mental illness. We need to talk about it before it happens. Aaron was an intelligent student, deep thinker and had the mind of a philosopher. Although close family members were aware of Aaron's fight with bipolar disorder, Aaron did not share his illness with his peers. I believe this was because he felt he would be looked at differently--academically, socially, and as a human being. I believe that some of Aaron's fears about his peers looking down on him are genuine and real problems. Are we doing our job as BYU students to create an environment of kindness and compassion, where those with mental illness will not feel isolated or pitied?

Mental illness may seem scary, but as we inform ourselves and talk to those around us, it doesn't have to be. It's 2017. Will we continue to let mental illness and suicide be a taboo subject that we believe doesn't affect us, our fellow students, or the people we love? The choice is ours and we need to decide. Now. 

Out of the Darkness Overnight Walk

On Monday, March 6, 2017 we received word that our 24 year old son Aaron had passed away. I will never forget what I was doing at that moment. What was it?

First, the back story. In January, 2017 our family traveled to Washington DC. One day while riding the Metro, I noticed a poster. It caught my attention and intrigued me so much that I took a picture of it. Later I checked out the website and discovered the overnight “Out of the Darkness” walk sponsored by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. I was surprised to find out that there are two of these overnight walks this year, one in DC and one in San Diego. I considered doing the walk, but I decided the date wasn’t convenient. I thought about the walk a few times and talked to my husband and sister about it.

Near the first of March, something changed. Suddenly, I could not get this walk out of my mind. I thought about it constantly and I knew that God was prompting me to take action. Finally, the evening of March 6^th, I could wait no longer. I called my sister Jenny and told her I HAD to register for the walk immediately and I invited her to join me. She agreed and we spent an hour registering, planning our team details, and working on our fundraising pages.

Just then, there was a knock at the door. John answered it and stepped outside onto the porch. I paid very little attention because I was absorbed in my computer and talking to Jenny on the phone. Then my 5 year old daughter Lavender asked me, “Why is Daddy talking to the cops?” I set down my computer and ended my phone call. I put on a video for Lavender and went outside. My husband was on the phone with a detective in Utah. Our local sheriff’s department had given him the number and asked him to call regarding an urgent matter inolving Aaron.

When he ended the call and told me our son was gone, we cried and hugged and spent the rest of the evening talking to our children and close family members. It wasn’t until the next day that I realized the irony, or perhaps the miracle of what I had been doing when we learned that Aaron was gone. God knew and He prepared me for that moment.

To learn more about the Out of the Darkness overnight walk, click the link below.

http://www.theovernight.org/participant/MelanieHartzell

Oatmeal Recipes

I love carrot cake,but I never make it since I'm the only one in my family who likes it. I recently came across this recipe and it's the perfect yummy and healthy breakfast!

Carrot Cake Oats

1/2 cup oats
3/4 cup almond milk
1 carrot shredded
1 tbsp raisins
1/2 tsp vanilla
1 tbsp real maple syrup
1 tbsp unsweetened shredded coconut
1 tbsp chopped pecans
1/4 tsp cinnamon
1/8 tsp nutmeg
1/8 tsp cardamom
dash salt

Mix oats, milk, carrots and raisins in a bowl and microwave for 2 1/2 - 3 minutes. Add vanilla and stir allowing alcohol to steam off. Put it in the freezer to cool off a bit while you gather the rest of the ingredients. Add remaining ingredients and mix. Enjoy!

Another easy favorite is:

Chocolate Peanut Butter Oats

1/2 cup oats
1 cup water
1/2 - 1 banana mashed
1 tbsp dark (unsweetened) cocoa powder
1 tbsp PB2 powder
1 tbsp unsweetened shredded coconut

Cook oats and water in microwave for 2 1/2 minutes, stirring halfway through. Put in freezer to cool off. Mash banana and add all ingredients to cooled oats. Yum!

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Delicious Non-Rock Oatmeal Cookies

A couple of years ago, I tried my first gluten free recipe and whipped up a batch of biscuits. Unfortunately, they looked and tasted like rocks. Fortunately, I never made them again. Since then, I've found plenty of great gluten free recipes, but I haven't found a gluten free cookie that I love. Until now! Trader Joe's has a great recipe on their bag of gluten free oats.

These cookies are delicious and my whole family loves them! You can even make them healthier by cutting the sugar and using high quality dark chocolate with low sugar instead of chocolate chips. Or just go for it! And if you aren't concerned about being gluten free, then use any oats your heart desires.

1/4 cup butter

3/4 cup sugar

3/4 cup brown sugar

2 eggs

1 tsp vanilla

1 1/4 tsp baking soda

1 cup peanut butter

3 cups GF oats

6 oz (or less) chocolate chips

1/2 cup sunflower seeds (try them!) or chopped nuts

Preheat oven to 350. Combine sugars and butter and beat until creamy. Add eggs, vanilla and baking soda and mix well. Add peanut butter and mix. Stir in oats, chocolate chips and nuts. Use a small cookie scoop and place scoops of dough on a lightly greased cookie sheet. Bake 10-12 minutes until lightly browned around edges.

The recipe says it makes approximately 48 cookies, but I've never gotten that many. Maybe you can get 48 if you don't eat any of the dough first, but we always do!

Lavender's Ice Cream

Lavender had eczema when she was younger and we decided to cut out dairy. She responded beautifully so we've stayed dairy-free for her and Marianne. It doesn't usually present a problem except when it comes to ice cream. Banana ice cream has been the perfect solution. It is also sugar free, so it's a fairly healthy dessert. Basically you blend any frozen fruit in the food processor with some liquid until it is creamy. I don't measure when I make it, but here is my best approximation of our favorite version:

Lavender's Banana Ice Cream

3 or 4 frozen bananas in pieces
2 T dark unsweetened cocoa powder
2 T PB2 (peanut butter powder)
1/4 cup almond milk

Put all ingredients in food processor. Only put in a few tablespoons of almond milk at first. Blend for a bit. Then stop and scrape down sides and add more almond milk. Repeat until smooth and creamy. Eat immediately! We love to top ours with unsweetened shredded coconut and sliced almonds.

Ordinary Day

It was just an ordinary day, but then our days are always extraordinary with Lavender around. The kids and I had dental appointments today and we weren't sure how Lavender would do. We talked about it and even practiced opening our mouths. I also told her that we would get to go choose a prize from the store on the way home from the dentist. Still, we were all unsure what would happen when we got there.

Things got off to a good start in the waiting room. She liked the little table and chairs, the music that was playing and the coloring book they let her use. While I was having X-rays, Lavender watched Marianne get her teeth cleaned. Then it was her turn and Evan came in with her. She followed instructions and was able to have an exam, cleaning and flouride treatment. We were all pleasantly surprised!

At the store she chose this little stroller and she played happily with it all afternoon. It is now parked next to her bed for the night. At one point this evening I gave her a hug and asked her how she got so cute.

She replied, "Jesus made my body cute." Then she added, "He makes everyone's bodies cute."

It was so sweet and very true! I sure do love that girl of mine!

Palmyra Adventure Day 8 - The End!

We all loved our tour of the Kirtland temple (on day 6). We heard that they occasionally offered a behind the scenes tour. John found out that there was one coming up. We hesitated a bit because it cost $25 per person and because we would have to get up at 6:00 AM to be there on time. Our love for the Kirtland temple won out and we decided to go for it. The tour was about 3 hours long and given by Ron, the site director who has worshiped at the temple since he was a young boy. We were able to see the entire temple from basement to bell tower. We got to climb into the crawl spaces between the stories, and even walk up and touch the beautiful altars where the Heavenly Father and the Savior appeared.

Ron explained the architecture and building techniques as well as the retrofitting and modernization that has taken place. He told us the history of the temple over the past (almost) 200 years. He related many spiritual stories and how the temple has been preserved so many times. Ron knew one of the temple caretakers who worked there from about 1930 - 1960. He began each morning in the temple with an hour of prayer and pondering to decide how to best care for the temple. The RLDS Church had little money, so the temple needed to be maintained in creative, low-cost ways. Once the caretaker was awoken in the night by a dream that the temple was on fire. He hurried to the temple to find a small fire and with help he was able to extinguish it before more serious damage was done. 

No one is allowed to take pictures during any of the tours, but when we climed up to the bell tower, we were allowed to take pictures outside as we stood on the ladder. If we looked carefully, we could see a sliver of Lake Erie about 8 miles away. I am so grateful we were able to spend so much time in the house of the Lord.

Then we took Marianne to another sacred place, the Morley farm where in 1831 during a priesthood meeting, many saw a vision of The Father and The Son. I loved our time in Kirtland so much and I was really sad to leave it. It truly is holy ground. It looks very similar to the Sacred Grove.

Before we left for the airport we stopped in the town of Mentor to see the home of President James Garfield. It is a beautiful home surrounded by many large trees. It has a huge stone windmill that originally provided the home with running water. I wish we had a bit more time so we could take a tour. Maybe next time, because I definitely want to come back to Kirtland! 

Melanie